We’re All Idiots
Time for a classic Late Night Speculation by me. Enjoy. Or don't. I'll take it either way if it means you're reading.
I really need to stop listening to other people. I'm finding that I get so swayed by the opinions of others. It's about time I start making my own way. Of course, that means I should stop seeking advice for my problems. Talking things through is one thing, I just have to disregard when people directly tell me what to do. Or at the very least, I need to lightly consider their thoughts, instead of adopting them as the right thing to do.
There have been a lot of times in my life where I have been completely decided about something, like leaving Johnson & Wales and pursuing something else. But then talking to people just muddled things up. I start wondering if my feelings are steering me wrong. I am someone who follows my emotions much more than logic and reasoning, and so sometimes I wonder if that really is the right way to go, or if I should deny the way I feel and just stick it out. In the case of my first year of college, sticking it out just made me more miserable.
When someone voices an opinion contrary to my own, I can feel my thoughts start to shift to align with theirs. It's like a survival instinct. I want to fit in, so agreeing is a way for me to do so. Unless I feel I have sufficient knowledge or a stronger stance people can just bowl me over with their thoughts. Maybe my dad is right in saying that I'm too passive. I'm not trying to be. But sometimes I just don't have very strong opinions in regard to the conversation, and so I let the other person take the lead. Especially over politics. If I'm perfectly honest, I don't have the slightest interest in politics. I don't read up on that stuff unless an election is coming up. I've even added the "unless an election is coming up" bit to keep people from lecturing me. But that answer doesn't always bode well, and so I hide my disinterest and pretend that I've totally been following the recent news.
I think I should specify something here. I know that, if someone appears more knowledgeable than me, then I would do well to listen to what they have to say. But I think it's important that I recognize that I have my own opinions and that they have their own merit. Especially in regards to my own life. I tend to ask people who are older than me what I should do, and I'm coming to think that maybe I am actually the one who knows best. I alone know myself. I'm the one who is fully invested in this life, day in and day out. Other people, they can check up on me as often or as seldom as they please, but I am the one who is living in this body, every minute of every day. I am the one who gets to experience everything that I am going through. Whatever happens, I am the one who is seeing it through.
A lot of speculation here is coming from what a few people have told me about my future. Being that I'm entering my senior year, I get asked what my plans are after I graduate. And my answer for many years now has been that I have no idea. But now, that response is no longer acceptable. I've had a couple people tell me that college is a waste of money if I don't know what I want to do with that degree. I should have taken a year off to think about it. Of course, when I was just starting out and telling people that I didn't know what to do with myself after graduation, or what kind of job I would like, the advice I got was to just go to college and figure things out there. Any degree is at least a degree and will get my foot in the door.
I think I've realized this before, but what I am realizing once again is that we're all idiots. None of us know what to do or think until we've done it and thought it. We're all just wading in the deep end, doing our best to tread water. What the hell do any of us know?
So, now that I have reached this epiphany of sorts, what should I do with this? Will this really cause any change in my life, or will I just go back to the way I have always been doing things?
Don't answer that. I'll figure it out for myself.
